“The List”
You’ll Need This Info From Your Elderly Parents
If you’ve landed on this page, it may be because we spoke and I sent you here. If you’re in the thick of it with failing parents, I’m so sorry. It really is the worst time. It is truly shocking what nature expects us to go through and still remain standing.
This list is a Canadianized version of one that appeared years ago in Real Simple magazine that I’ve tweaked over time and passed on to friends when they start taking over their parents’ affairs. It helped me and gave me structure when it became apparent that my parents could no longer manage by themselves and I didn’t know where to begin.
I’ve seen lists of well-intentioned but ludicrous questions that you are supposed to ask elderly parents if their homes are becoming unmanageable and overrun with stuff. Sample: “Hey mom, which scarves do you want to keep and which should be donated?” I would only have tried that nonsense with my mother if I didn’t value my own life. Given that you are supposed to avoid contentious topics and fighting, questions like that are pure provocation. But the list below? The list is useful.
Try to get this information from them as soon as you can, while they’re still healthy and when it’s just tedious paperwork and just one more item on your never-ending To Do list. If you have to start chasing answers once a parent is in hospital, or once they’ve dug themselves in, it becomes a much bigger hurdle, and much more fraught.
And while I am certainly not a lawyer and you obviously need one, if you can, get your name onto your parents’ bank accounts. Granted this is easiest when you are an only child and don’t have to run anything past siblings. Plus, you need parents that will trust you with their money. So I understand that these could be big ‘ifs’. But if a parent unexpectedly goes into hospital and you have to pay their bills, it’s much easier if you have access to their chequing account. In Canada, you need to be JTWROS (joint tenant with right of survivorship.) But really, talk to a lawyer. I cannot stress this enough.
(And now, my best piece of advice ever. Buried way down here because it’s rather, ahem, irregular.)
Make sure you know the location of the will. If it is in a bank safety deposit box and you need to retrieve it because the person has died, Do Not Tell the bank that they have died. Instead, use your existing Power of Attorney (you got power of attorney, right?) to clean out the box because once the bank is notified of a customer’s death, they will lock everything down and getting into the box will become a lengthy, if not impossible, procedure. This most useful bit of advice was given to me by two (TWO!) different lawyers on two separate occasions, So there you go.
And while this is strictly a list of financial and legal documents you need to collect, I have to add that you should find out where your mother keeps her recipe collection (box? binder?) and write it down too. That, and the platter she served your birthday cake on and all the family photos are the first things you’ll want to secure (along with the will, of course) when the time comes.
Good luck. We all go through this.
Parent Information Checklist
S.I.N. numbers
Banking
Banks and list of accounts and safe-deposit boxes
Personal contact at bank if available
Loan agreements and amount owing, if applicable
Online banking passwords
Passwords for online accounts for utilities, telephones, cable tv, internet
Location of safety deposit box(es) or in-home safe (with combination)
List of safety depost box contents
Location of safety deposit box key(s)
Credit Cards
Issuers, account numbers and expiration dates (balance owing, if any)
Special information (airline mileage points, balances owed)
Insurance
Home, car, life, health, long-term care
Issuer and account numbers
Agent’s contact information
Premium due dates
Original paperwork (possibly in home safe or bank safety deposit box)
Taxes
Accountant information
Location of past filings
Any amounts owing, due dates (if paid quarterly)
Investments and retirement accounts
Names of brokerage and/or portfolio manager
Account numbers and passwords
Names of bankers or brokers if relevant
Legal documents
A list of all documents that are in place (and their location): Wills, Trusts, Power of attorney (and if these aren’t in place, make it happen!)
Proof of Death documents for deceased family members (e.g. parents, first spouses) who may still be listed as beneficiaries on existing insurance policies. Because even if all insurance policies are up to date, you may later discover a forgotten one.
Names and contact information for trustees listed on all the documents
Contact information for the lawyer who drew up the papers
Location of organ donation cards
House (and/or cottage)
Mortgage info if not discharged or rent amount and payment info if renting (as well as rental agreement)
Location of deeds and property titles
Property tax info and payments
Location of and combination to home safe, if applicable
Contact info for plumber, cleaner, handy person, snow removal, gardener
Water heater info (rental or ownership papers)
Location of main water shutoff valve for house
Location of fuse box
Tech
Passwords to home security system
Passwords to phone, laptop, iPad
Social media passwords (if applicable)
List of streaming services and passwords
Health care
OHIP numbers and location of current health card
Hospital system ID cards
Contact information for all physicians
List of Medications and dosages
Name of Current Pharmacy
DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) form or instructions what to do in the case of serious illness (In Ontario, these are now a numbered form issued by their doctor. It’s no longer just a matter of filling out and signing a paper you found online and printed.)
Current Pets
Adoption paperwork
Health and immunization records
Name and contact information for vet
Feeding schedule and types of foods
List of medication, if applicable
Parents’ Burial Plot(s)
Did they pre-pay for a funeral/burial plot (If yes, then where is the paperwork and proof of payment?)
Any instructions for service
Friends and Family
Names, current addresses and email addresses of friends and family, both local and abroad (to stay in touch in general but especially when parents become ill)